Ah, hello American consumer!!!!

I am Tenga Nakamuri, founder of Tenga Onacups. I thank you in advance for your curiosity regarding Tenga Easy Ona-Cap. The Ona-Cap egg is a plastic egg shape which aids in the onanistic arts. It fits a shaft of any size, and comes in multiple patterns. You will find it to be most pleasurable.  Okay.. Enough of that…

By: Josh Grimmer

The Tenga Easy Ona-Cap is a nifty-looking one-time use masturbator – though Rocky was quick to point out that you could probably use it again if you washed it out, like a Zip-Lock bag. It comes in a little plastic Easter egg, sealed with a cellophane wrapper, and is available in different textures. Today I’ll be reviewing the scary-sounding “Spider” texture.

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Presentation: Like I said, the Ona-Cap comes sealed in a white, plastic Easter egg, which is cool because it doesn’t look like a pocket pussy. Pocket pussies are usually large, bulky and gross looking, which can be embarrassing if your luggage gets randomly searched at LAX. Luckily this won’t be an issue if you travel with your Tenga Easy Ona-Caps. If the feds search your bags, they’ll just find a bunch of white, plastic Easter eggs, which will certainly not arouse any kind of suspicion, especially considering they just found a car bomb in Times Square or something.

Accoutrements: I’m no pocket pussy expert, but I know you need a few things for your pocket pussy experience. First of all is lube. Check. The Ona-Cap comes with a soy-sauce packet of lube. The supplied lube is a little on the viscous side, so if that’s not something you’re into, then you’ve probably got your own lube. In fact, if you know how viscous you like your lube to be, then you’ve probably got your own high-grade industrial pocket pussy already, like the Tenga Flip Hole, which looks pretty fucking awesome. Anyhow, the cool thing about the Ona-Cap is that it’s super small, and then you stretch it over your junk and it just go to town on yourself. Apparently it fits over nearly every size and shape of dick. Let’s just say I was not able to disprove this claim.

Experience: So I took the Ona-Cap out of its egg, tore open the soy sauce packet of lube and got it… ready, I guess. Now again, I’m not an expert on pocket pussies. I was, however, a physics major in college. One thing that the Ona-Cup lacks that other pocket pussies have is an air hole. Sort of the opposite of the carb on your bong, the air hole allows your dick to slide in and out without creating any air pressure inside the silicone fuck sponge. Basically with no hole, it makes it incredibly difficult to enter the Ona-Cap, and once you’re there, a vacuum is created and it’s difficult to get out. It’s a Chinese wiener trap.

Another criticism I have is the amount of lube provided. Way too much. Friction creates stimulation, which leads to orgasm. Because I’m an idiot, I basically used all of the lube they gave me. Joke’s on me. Not enough friction leads to the user losing their erection. It also creates an environment for the pocket pussy – at least the “Spider” design, with its waffle pockets – to release some embarrassing and incredibly unsexy burps. I suppose you could argue that the Ona-Cap creates a level of verisimilitude that it even recreates the queefing of an actual, factual woman.

The other problem I had with it was it was too malleable. Maybe I have a GI Joe kung fu grip, but I found it difficult to experience the “Spider” pattern. It really just felt like I was jerking off with a super-thick condom or a soggy Eggo waffle, which isn’t exactly awesome. Other masturbators use a hard outer shell to make sure everything stays in place, I wish the Ona-Cap had something similar. I suppose what you gain in portability and discretion, you lose in bells and whistles.

Results: The good news was that once the orgasm is achieved, it’s pretty damn good. Overall I would consider it a positive experience, but then again my opinion could be clouded by the fact that I had an orgasm while using this product. Hm.

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The thing with pocket pussies is that they try to create a happy medium between masturbation and sex. It’s not just your hand, but you don’t have to go through the effort of dealing with another human being. The disposable pocket pussy is sort of like hiring a prostitute. You use it once, you feel dirty, but overall you feel satisfied. I would suggest that if you’re going to commit to the personal masturbator lifestyle, you ought to get yourself a higher quality one-time use pocket pussy and see how you like it. If you do, go ahead and set some money aside to get yourself a good reusable toy. The Tenga Flip Hole, as previously stated, looks fucking awesome.

The Ona-Cap looks to be an above-average product for the onanist on the go. It’s portable and discreet, which is really something you’re going to want if you plan to, say, jerk off on a long flight. I mean, it’s like 16 hours to get from Los Angeles to Australia. Back in my cigarette smoking days, I don’t think I could go that long without lighting up, and if I tried I’d certainly have to beat off a few times, if only to keep my hands busy. Despite my misgivings, I’m going to give this product a B-, if for no other reason than the incredible Japanese ad copy on the outside. “Wrap yourself, stretch and enjoy!”

For more information on the whole line of Tenga products, including the Ona-Cap and the Flip Hole – as well as various lotions to be used during the masturbatory act – head on over to http://www.tenga.co.jp/e/. You’ll find all kinds of useful information, and all kinds of delightful Japanese descriptions of things. “The future of masturbation is here, now!”

Josh Grimmer pretends to be a writer when he’s not working at a cinema. He can be contacted at josh.grimmer@gmail.com, and you can follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/JoshGrimmer. He lives in Hollywood with his wife and cat, and his favorite Woody Allen quote is “Don’t knock masturbation – it’s sex with someone I love.”